Space Trolls

“Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are”

We have all at one point wondered about this same question. It is commonly thought that we know the answer, but the truth is we don't. A star appears to be a speck of light suspended in the sky. This light is actually a large ball of burning gas. WRONG! Stars are actually faraway colonies of what are usually referred to as space trolls. I know what your thinking. Space trolls? I've never heard of such a thing before. I am not surprised. Space trolls are very shy creatures so it is likely you have never seen one before. I know of these majestic creatures only because this information was passed down in my family for generations.

If you were to see a space troll in its natural form it has long luscious flowing brown hair with a bod like a beefy pig right after it feasts on a combination toe nail clippin's and moldy Cheez-Its. If you have never seen a pig like this then picture Max after eating double his weight in habañero peppers. If you can't picture this then you can either go feed Max the peppers or drink quadruple your weight in chocolate milk.

Now you must be wondering, “What do space trolls do?” The truth is nothing. They float around space waiting to be drawn in by the gravity of a planet nearby. Because of their shyness when trolls land on the planet they adapt to the civilization of the natives. Eventually after the trolls gain confidence they begin to grow larger and then consume the planet. After they are done eating they all give a perfectly timed out belch which releases massive amounts of energy which we call supernovas. Everything in the surrounding area is utterly destroyed by the power and makes a black gaping hole in reality aka a black hole.

There are rumors that certain colonies of space trolls are drifting toward earth. The only thing I have to say about is for all we know they are already here. Trust nobody your best solution is to get away from this planet as soon as possible.

Because the sun is a star does that mean its a colony of space trolls also. No. The sun is actually just a giant ball of burning gas... Or is it? Many people think the sun will eventually burn out, but could it possibly be that the sun is actually just a planet being consumed by space trolls and we are only 149.6 million kilometers away from certain death? I guess we won't find out until we are dead.

Another question you might have is about “shooting stars.” This misunderstanding of these are probably the most minor. They are in fact a group of space trolls who have grown close to the indigenous and were “shot” into space after mutiny arose against King space troll, Justin Bieber. Yes thats right. The squeaky little popstar is actually the leader of these strange creatures.

Thank you all for giving me the chance to warn you of these dangers. Keep on the look out for suspicious signs of these creatures and remember always, always, make sure you change your pants at least once a week. You can thank me later.