Epic Poem

Wow, apparently no one did the blog for 2 days.  This one will hopefully be counted as yesterdays and the day before, and one will surely (87% chance) come out tonight. We are sorry for your inconvenience.

#1

 By: Tony VanDyke

Tony ran through the woods, running from the ogres.

Trenten followed closely, running as fast as a gazelle.

Large rocks flew overhead, like missiles raining down on them.

The three ogres picked up more rocks as they ran,

Hoping they would hit at least one of us

With the giant gargantuan boulders.

Faster we sprinted, until suddenly, Trenten tripped! 

Tony ran back pulling on Trenten to get up.

The ogres surrounded them. Tony and Trenten

Pushed on them, but they were hard as Tony’s abs. 

Tony cried, “Please, gods help us!”  One of the

Ogres turned around, and Max was riding on his back.

He stepped down and declared, “Excuse me boys, but I believe

You dropped your satchel. And by the way, do you

Think I could help you on your noble quest?”

Tony and Trenten looked at each other and

Readily agreed. “I think my ogres will be of

Assistance; however, we will need to find some plants,

Because my ogres are vegetarian.

I think we should be off now.” Tony and Trenten

Climbed onto the ogre’s back and the ogres took off

Running toward the mountains. The ogres were

 Very good runners, and soon the three were in the caves

Of the mountains.  All of a sudden, glowing eyes

Shown all around them, and growling echoed off the walls.

Out of the darkness materialized ad

Then the beasts fought back, killing all the ogres

With their massive hands. Max quickly notched another arrow,

And hit another in the head.  As he shot,

Tony jumped off his back and flew 30 feet through the air

With his sword glistening in the lantern light. 

Time slowed down and he concentrated with all his will,

Trying to make this kill look sweet.  He stabbed the last beast

Right in the head, while in midair.  “Whoa” gasped Trenten,

“I am like so jealous of your skills right now.” 

The three continued on, until suddenly they heard

Maniacal laughter coming from the room ahead.

The three played Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who would have to go

In first and Tony was selected.  He reached into

The satchel and pulled out a torch and a broadsword. 

He ran into the room, where he found Ben,

Sitting there playing Halo. “Hey guess what Tony,

I just won. Hahahaha!  I am such a good shot. 

Do you think I could join you on your mission?”

Tony nodded his head yes, and Ben pulled out a chain gun.

“It is time for me to show you the abilities

I possess.”  With those words, Ben jumped out of the door

Where 40 cave hobgoblins were socializing. 

“Come get some!” Ben shouted at the top of his lungs. 

Then the hobgoblins grabbed him and threw him out of the room,

Right next to Tony. “Maybe Halo isn’t like real life,”

He gasped, and then he died. “I will handle this,”

Trenten bravely asserted.  He walked into the room

And all the cave hobgoblins died with a flick

Of his boomerang knife, which danced around the room

From target to target.  The knife started coming back and

He ducked and the knife went into the wall. 

Then he grabbed it and the three continued on their way. 

They went out of the mountains, and to their surprise,

Found a small band of bandits.  At the sight of Tony,

They all screamed like little school girls and ran for their lives.  

“Tony and Trenten, there is something I must

Confess to you both.  I am a god.”  Max revealed.

Trenten looked at him. “Prove it,” he retorted. 

And with those two words, Trenten was no more. 

“How could you?  That was my friend!” Tony bellowed,

“I am going to kill you!”  “You can’t kill a god!” Max shrieked. 

Tony pulled out his god piercing bullets and

His gun and started loading. “How could you!

After all I’ve done for you!” Max wailed.  BAM!

 Max fell to the ground, dead.  After looting the bandit camp,

Tony returned home, wealthy and strong. He was lord

Of all the lands in the world, and everyone

Loved him and thought he was the best person ever.

And the best for last:

#2

By: Trenten Witte

The four friends awoke dazed and confused
Remembering last night, when they were amused.
Nevertheless, this was no time for fun or games,
“We must continue on!” Max exclaims.
For the darkness in the sky was coming fast
They had to find shelter or they would not outlast.
In the distance, the four saw a bright light,
It was shelter at last, it gave them delight.
But the shelter wasn’t near, but quite far away,
It would take them hours just to get halfway.
The four heard a sound in the distance,
“What is that?” Tony asked, “Is it The Resistance?”
Indeed it was, and they were coming fast.
“YES!” Trenten screamed aloud. “Revenge at long last!”
They were getting nearer with every waking moment.
The four’s plan, “Breach of trust with fraudulent intent.”
But it was too late, The Resistance was here.
Jared was scared, and immediately cried a tear.
One of The Resistance’s men jumped toward Max.
Max grabbed him by the neck and gave him a few smacks.
The men were too many the friends were against all odds.
Trenten had an idea, so he called upon the gods.
Coming down from the heavens in the glorious light,
Descended Chuck Norris with his power and might.
The Resistance saw him, and were laced with fear.
Chuck Norris then round-house kicked them in the ear.
The Resistance screamed in pain, this was no game.
Chuck Norris had put them to terrible shame.
The men fell to the ground, only one had overcame.
But Chuck Norris just then set him to flame.
And with that, Chuck Norris was off in a flash,
And right after he left, the four friends each grew a moustache.
Three of the friends decided they needed some rest,
But Max knew better, they had to finish the quest.
“C’mon guys, this plan has been eight years in the making,
And you know, all this time I’ve been patiently waiting,
We got to stay focused on what we need to do,
We are almost to the great grey kangaroo!”
Said Max to his friends. So the friends went on their way.
They now had to get to the shelter without delay.

Trenten led the group, and Jared was in the back.

Goblins were close planning a diversionary attack.

The goblin leader grabbed Jared from behind,

Gouged out his eyes, making Jared become blind.

But the other three were too smart for the goblins,

They defeated the monsters, by playing their violins.

They continued on their way, but Jared was too weak.

So the three took him out; besides, he was a freak.

So the three went on their way, to make it to safety.

At long last, the three felt like they were free.

The only trouble now was to cross the ice shelf,

However, this task can be an inconvenience to oneself.

Nevertheless, they continued onward.

Shield in one hand and in the other a sword.

When suddenly from above, the dreaded Chupacabra.

Immediately the three looked up in wondrous awe.

But Trenten knew this was danger, and took out his weapon,

And beat it over the head, over and over again.

And with a mighty THUMP! It fell to the ground,

Too bad no one to see it was around.

The friends were hungry, so they called upon a fairy,

Who came to the rescue and gave them some dairy.

At the end of the ice, they could see the hotel,

But the ice started to crack, so they ran like a gazelle.

Faster and faster and faster they ran,

When they realized they were in Kazakhstan.

“Wait a second, there cannot be ice here!”

Tony said as he realized they were on the frontier.

The three heard noises coming from afar,

When they realized it was actually the king Jafar.

He took out not his sword, but his onion bread.

And the smell of the food was very widespread.

The smell was too unbearable for Tony to take,

He fell to the ground, and was eaten by a snake.

Trenten and Max then decided to dance around.

Jafar was so confused that he fell to the ground.

The two friends had almost made it to the end,

Just down the big hill they had to descend.

Max went down first, but hit a huge cactus.

“I cannot go on any longer.” Max had to confess.

Trenten was sad, but knew he had to go on.

For if he didn’t he wouldn’t make it till dawn.

So Trenten continued, trekking ‘cross the land.

But something happened, that was very unplanned.

An eagle from above grabbed him on the arm,

And flew for awhile, then dropped him by a cattle farm.

Once Trenten landed safely he looked and saw a house.

At this house lived the great and mighty mouse.

Trenten had done it, he completed the quest,

Of all the land, he was surely the best.

ADV TPW