Weird advertising schemes?

A cereal decides to make this leprechaun their mascot and have gangs attack him to steal his charms. The leprechaun almost always escapes, but not without a few bruises and scrapes. Skeptics argue this causes kids to want to beat up short people for their marshmallows.

Another cereal has a bird that appears to need a fix of a drug that makes him coco.  He runs around trying to not want this cereal, but in the end, he gets the drug and the whole world starts turning brown. Skeptics argue this makes kids want to give in to addictions.

A yogurt brand has a white bunny that always tries to just feed himself with the only food he can find.  Kids, acting as expert security guards, foil his plan, and attack him and yell, "Tricks are for kids! Tricks are for kids!" Skeptics argue this makes kids discriminate.

A fat, green glob invites friends over and trashes a small child's lung.

An orange little monster tries to get people to eat junk food. Random objects attack him.


Can you guess what each of these advertisements are for? Leave your answer in a comment below! (Do not cheat by looking at the comments section)

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Quotes

Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive. Staying alive! (random quote from The Office. It is on right now on my tv. It is the CPR episode. The one where they have someone come in with a dummy to show how to do CPR, and Dwight cuts off its face. Are you stepping in, what I'm laying down? I sure hope so.)

Anyway.... I'll just give more quotes..

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams


The road to success is always under construction.


Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.


After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."


Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.


Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.


Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz


"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."


All generalizations are false, including this one.


I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. - Henny Youngman


I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. A. Whitney Brown


Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

TPW

Quiz

Have you ever wanted a special prize? keep looking. However, if you like to waste time and you like having fun, then you should probably go somewhere else.  As we like to say at duckmanconnections.blogspot.com, "try and keep the audience reading completely useless things, so it makes them spend longer on our site.  Yesterday I bought a hamburger."

I will give you a prompt, and you finish the word/phrase correctly and send the answers into duckmanconnections@gmail.com, if you get all the answers correct, you may receive a prize!

Example:

Duck___ (please note the 3 individual blanks and the lack of space between the blanks and the word. this shows that 3 letters finishes this word. We know it is a word because of the lack of space between the blanks and the word. You getting all dis?)

The answer is obviously: Duckman

Now, get your email ready and lets begin the quiz!

1. Duck_____
2. Super___
3. Crab______
4. Rock ______
5. Hammer ____
6. Your ______
7. Cock-a-doodle-___
8. I don't even _____ __
9. Lucky ______
10. Duck Duck _____
11. Killer _____
12. E pluribus ____
13. Irish ______ famine
14. Shawn and ___
15. Bubonic ______
16. Lipopolysac_______
18. Water _________
19. Sleep ___________
20. Where is number __?
21. Refresh the ____

Don't forget to send the email of your answers to Duckmanconnections@gmail.com and refresh the page 5 or 6 times to make us feel like more than one person saw this post. <insert witty emoticon here>

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80 Things to Do When You Are Bored

1. Laugh hysterically
2. Become an evil scientist
3. Create a cure for death
4. Try not to think of penguins
5. Jump up and down
6. Write a useless story
7. Act confused
8. Talk in an accent
9. Play a board game
10. Create your own game
11. Pretend you’re a tree
12. Pretend a tree is you
13. Climb down the stairs
14. Fall up the stairs
15. Play Monopoly
16. Play with fire
17. Make a movie
18. Paint the floor
19. Carpet the ceiling
20. Pretend you’re in space
21. Drink lots of water
22. Play “Wii Bowling” until you get a perfect 300
23. Get all 10 “Out of the Park!” in home run derby on wii sports
24. Have a water balloon fight
25. Play games online at onemorelevel.com
26. Mow the carpet
27. Vacuum the lawn
28. Play hide-n-seek in the nearby woods
29. Go to the park
30. Have a friend over
31. Create your own “Things to do when you’re bored” list
32. Reread this whole list
33. Jump off your house with a garbage bag as a parachute
34. Watch all Lord of the Rings extended editions
35. Buy $5 worth of gum and eat it all at once
36. Run
37. Make a fire and roast marshmallows
38. Stay up for 48 hours straight
39. Throw playing cards
40. Sit in a room doing nothing for 4 hours
41. Count to 10,000 (by 1’s)
42. Watch Dora the Explorer
43. Figure out what number is one less than infinite
44. Write an inconvenient truth paper
45. Hate global warming
46. Play Wii Sports for 26 hours straight
47. Have a pillow fight
48. Stop reading this list
49. Wear all your clothes backwards
50. Figure our what W.I.P.C.O.V.S. stands for
51. Sit in your closet for a whole day
52. Break open a highlighter and get it all over the ground
53. Become another person
54. Read the dictionary
55. Run around the house 50 times
56. Play “Ghost in the Graveyard”
57. Play “Bloody Murder”
58. Egg some weeds
59. Chicken someone’s house
60. Eat an onion like you would an apple
61. Go pumpkin smashing
62. Play “Ball Tag”
63. Dress up as a knight and run around
64. Knight yourself
65. Become the queen of England
66. Become the king of England
67. Tape a friend to a chair using a whole roll of duct tape
68. Confess a crime you never committed
69. Pretend you are stuck in a box
70. Become a mime
71. Pretend you are in a mine field
72. Become a square root
73. Un-become a square root
74. Dare someone to become a calculator
75. Learn a new language
76. Speak Pig-Latin for the next hour
77. Write a research paper on Pokémon
78. Get lost
79. Be found
80. Tackle a big tree – and win

TPW

Inconvenient Truths

Sometimes the truth just happens to be inconvenient...

The Inconvenient Truth “Hands and Feet”

            Although many people may think that their hands are connected to their arms, is actually a fallacy. But before I can explain this, I must tell you the background of hands and feet. Charles T. Karl, founded the organization that gave all humans both hands and feet. However, when they created this phenomenon, they made the hands connected to the legs and the feet connected to the arms. Although this may seem awfully confusing, it is not. You may be thinking how are feet were connected to our arms and our hands were connected to our legs, but actually, they looked the same then as they do now. The names of these two things have been changed, because the new human race thought that hands should belong of arms, and feet should belong on legs.

The Inconvenient Truth “Everything You Don’t Really Need to Know”

You may be asking yourself, how can this paper be on everything I didn’t really need to know, and I am here to tell you that this is possible in many different ways. One way is that I will be telling you no matter what you think or what you do. Now to begin with the first topic of the inconvenient truthness. The first thing you didn’t really need to know is that there is a leprechaun behind YOUR BACK!!!! And he has a pot of gold in it. Well, ok, there really isn’t, but if there was, you should tackle him as quick as possible, and then take the gold to the nearest furnace, and burn it, mixing it with iron and raw cowhide, so that it will no longer ever be pure gold. Well, that was about everything you really didn’t need to know.

The Inconvenient Truth “Unicorns and Rainbows”

            Many of you may not believe that these two things exist, but I am typing this paragraph to tell you that both of them actually do. Although you may not see them everyday, or even in a lifetime, they are there. If you would just take the time to look around, you would notice something in the sky that is colorful. If you ever had skittles before, you would know what this thing tastes like. But it you never had skittles before, then you probably should as soon as possible. Well, now you are thinking to yourself, well I guess rainbows exist, but do unicorns? And I am here to tell you that they do. Trust me. And if you don’t trust me, then I don’t know who you should trust, seeing as though any trustworthy person believes in unicorns.

The Inconvenient Truth “Lies”

          The color green is actually not the color green. Unicorns don’t exist. Clocks don’t tell the time. Picture frames aren’t supposed to hold pictures. I did not type this. You are not reading this. You are not thinking what I thought you were thinking when I last thought that you were thinking that one thought that you thought you could think even though you couldn’t think that thought because you were thinking that other thought that was interfering with the thought that you thought you were thinking of, when you were thinking of thinking the thought that you had only dreamt of yesterday while sleeping on the couch after watching many movies that had to do with peanut butter. Roses are blue. Violets are red. Unless you spray paint them. These are actually truths, and that is not a lie.

The Inconvenient Truth “Staplers”

          Staplers are a part of our everyday tasks. Without them, every human being with be hopeless. This is why Yosemite Pooper created this. One day, he had the thought of being able to connect many sheets of paper with a little metal thing. So, one day he decided that his dream would come true. So, he went into his garage and started working on this thing he would later call a stapler. He worked on his invention many days and many nights, until he did it. He came up with the thing that we now call the stapler.

--Made by Trent and Tony during the summer of 2009--

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Experience in Vietnam

This update comes to us from Duckman's past. Or does it. Yes it does. Don't question the D-man.

From Duckman's own diary

          It all started on my first mission back in 'Nam. I had a few loyal companions but that didn't stop them from filling my M-16 with blanks. One minute i thought that i had all the nammers in the bag but then the next minute, I had lit up my nest like a flare. Amidst the flying bullets, I kept my cool while my buddy was having a neck spasm. I didn't know what to do so I pretended to have been shot and killed. Through my twitching eyelids, I saw the whole Viet Cong army (yes, all 1.34 million) advancing past me and pushing our men back against the men behind them. As soon as i saw the last of the congers amble about fifty yards past me, I scrambled up and quickly hustled to grab a jersey from one of the enemy's fallen men. Although it felt like disloyalty, I prayed that my scheme would work, stripped down to my diaper, and put on his jersey. I felt as if everybody could see right through my outfit and knew that I was bluffing so I quickly caught up to the the gals in the rear of the pack and tried to fit in. There was on minor problem. I was at least one metre taller than even the men on their horses and my firearm was chrome colored. I threw on the silencer on my M-16 and silently popped the person right in front of me with a blank. I casually traded weapons and then tried to make a scene while re-swapping weapons to make it look like i stole one of the other team's clearly better guns. Conveniently, all of the ammo produced in the world during the 1960s was interchangeable, so i just scooped up normal ammunition as i needed and threw it in the magazine, replacing the blanks. For some reason, I suddenly remembered duckmom and how much she had gone through to raise me during my childhood so i started to weep aloud. Then I recalled that this was WAR and no one in any war can cry. Randomly, I turned the dial on my utility watch to sport mode so that I could call in an air-strike on my present location. I paged rent-a-car and requested the man to bring me a 1987 mini cooper by helicopter. About 6 minutes later, I heard the familiar sound of whirling blades above me. I glanced up and saw four wheels and a tin can falling from the Chinook. No later than it contacted the ground, I had wheeled it behind the nearby boulder. I whipped out my handy dandy soldering gun and welded that sucker together. When I was finished, I was so thirsty that I unzipped my fanny-pack and pulled out my grape juice sack and penetrated it with a straw like object. I  then sucked all of the stuff out of that sack and tossed it on the ground to litter in Vietnam. I saw that the Viet Cong troops had gone about 80 metres ahead so i flung all of my grenades over in their direction. Unfortunately all I had were flash-bangs, I didn't throw them far enough,and I was the only one that was facing them. Suddenly I saw a bright flash and heard a loud bang so I instinctively ducked behind my mini cooper and covered my noggin.Unfortunately all of my men were following me with infared goggles from the safety of their tank. They were all momentarily blinded because of the flash which caused them all to rip out their sabers from their sheaths and start fighting. I puffed on my perv whistle causing all of the enemy's men to turn around and gawk (don't ask don't tell) at the uninvited visitor (me). I instantly scooted in to my mini cooper and peeled out leaving all the other men to stare and whistle at my swagger wagon.I gave them a wave and drove back to my base just as the first of the air-strike began to strike amidst the enemy. And I lived happily ever after

Farewell.

Unsolved Mysteries - Bigfoot

Welcome to Unsolved Mysteries: where we give you the truth on what has never been told before.

Today's episode is on Bigfoot. You know, that hairy creature with not-really big feet.

With the name Bigfoot, you would think it would be some monster with a big foot. But it's not. It's just some hairy man. Like a goat man. However, Goat Man has horns, and looks a little more like a human. You could say Goat Man looks a little like Mr. Tumnus, except for goatish like in the features.

Anyway, on with the truth!

Spotting's:

Bigfoot has been spotted all over America. How can this be? The truth is less than obvious. After doing many hours of research, the answer has been found. Bigfoot can teleport, and clone himself. So, one person may see him in Texas, and at the same time, someone might see him in India. This amazed all the scientists who did the study, for they never thought something like that was even possible.

A more recent spotting was in Michigan. Luckily, we have a photo to prove it.

The Michigan Bigfoot

You may be thinking to yourself, What is this? That ain't no Bigfoot! Well, first off, ain't is not a real word. Please, learn some correct English before thinking like that. Secondly, even though it may not look exactly like the Bigfoot you are used to seeing, it looks very similar. Here is a picture of the one you are thinking of.

The Bigfoot you are thinking of

Do you not see how similar they are? Look at the stance. One arm is pointed forwards, whilst the other is pointing in a some what backward direction. Now look at the head. See how in both pictures, the body is walking, but the head is turned toward the camera? Coincidence? I think NOT! Lastly, look at the picture quality of both. The quality of both pictures are very poor. Hence, they are both Bigfoot.

Mysteries:

Now, there really aren't that many mysteries about Bigfoot. The only mystery, is if it is actually real.

Because there is really no mysteries, I will propose a scenario.

THE SCENARIO:

One day you walk down the street. Your hand are all full of clay. You ask a guy where you can get some kabobs, and he suddenly runs away. You then realize that that was actually Bigfoot. Or so you thought. But how will you ever know if it really was Bigfoot. Because of this close encounter, you are now a believer in Bigfoot, and the question of whether he exists or not is constantly on your mind. Never leaving you, but never with you for more than 3 hours at a time.

The other mystery is the true color of Bigfoot. Is it gray? Brown? Black? Yellow? Red? Polka-dot? Rainbow? The world may never know.


So there you go. Now you know the truth about Bigfoot. (The two things I told you. But whatever, You will soon learn...)

Freestyle Folklore

What is Freestyle Folklore? Well, it is where you are given a few random words, and you make some ridiculous fake story with it. If this doesn't make much sense, just read the story for the fun of it.

I will try to use 5 different words in my story:

1. Magical Unicorn Land
2. Evil Dinosaur Overlord
3. Steve the Potato Chip
4. Orange Walrus
5. George Washington

In the year 1572 George Washing had a bear made of macaroni noodles. He was walking down the wooden street wondering how the grass would grow any taller without ever getting any water. Just then, George Washington stumbled upon a potato chip. He was hungry, so he was going to pick it up and eat it. However, just before he stuck it in his mouth, it yelled out to him.
"No George! No! You can't do this!"
George was very confused. He immediately stopped moving the chip toward his mouth. The potato chip called out once more.
"George, my name is Steve. I am a potato chip. I was sent by the magical wizard from Logobon Field, to help aid you on your quest to save the Magical Unicorn Land from being destroyed by the Evil Dinosaur Overlord."
So George set down Steve. Just then, Steve grew legs and arms, and started walking next to George. They saw a building in the distance made of happiness. They walked closer. Inside, they saw a closet which was glowing purple. They decided to check it out. As they approached it, an orange walrus fell from space, and through the roof of the small hut they were in, and blocked the entrance to the closet. It took 3 hours for George and Steve to move the walrus away from the closet door, and to Dreary Lane. The two stepped through the portal and appeared in Magical Unicorn Land, where unicorn run around on rainbows and flowers (without hurting them) and other happy and magical things. George felt a disturbance in the distance. He wondered what it could be, so he ran towards it. On the way though, he got distracted and found a cave. He wandered into the cave and traveled in it for many years, upon realizing he had found the end of it. At the end of this cave was the Super Unicorn Hammer. It was the strongest hammer in all the land. He jumped with joy and ran out of the cave to meet up with Steve again. As he came out of the cave, George saw a note laying on the ground. It read:
"Dear loyal friend George. You have been severely lacking in your friendship. I told you I was going to go to the nearby bathroom to wash my hand. I came back, and you were gone. I noticed there was a cave, but I thought George told me he hates caves. He would never ever go in there. Not in two minutes. However, I was gone for three minutes, but did not realize it. So I figured out that you must have gone in the cave. I hate caved myself, so I decided to go home and eat something... like fruit. And so I did. I left. I went home, write after finishing this note, and leaving it on the ground. Right now, I am in Croatia hunting whales in nearby streams and rivers. Well, good luck on your journey pal."
George took this message to heart, and continued on. It took him another 15 years to find the Evil Dinosaur Overlord. By then, the dinosaur had grown old, and died. So, George didn't have to defeat him after all, and the Magical Unicorn Land was saved forever, and George lived in peace with the unicorn for the rest of his life. He was very happy.


There you go. Kind of a boring ending, I know. I got kind of lazy and didn't feel like making a good finish, so it's not.

If you liked this story, and would like me to do another one, please give me at least 3 words in the comments section below, and I will try my best to write a story. Please include your name, so I can give a personal thank you to you.

Happy waddling . . .

Whipping Hair

It's 2011! Well, it was yesterday, but we didn't post anything. The reason? Because we have lives, and we don't just sit on the computer all day writing a blog.

Anyway... to start off the year, we will show you a video of us whipping our hair to a song that most of you probably know.

Enjoy.

This video was made about 20 minutes, or so, before the new year. Maybe someday we'll show you the first video we made in 2011.

Have a wonderful new year!