Duckman Begins

Rain ripped through the trees as wind hurled itself under the bridge, producing a strange whistling noise. Thunder burst through the clouds, and waves crashed onto the shore of Lake Minchumina. Lightning flashed, and violently, Duckman came into existence.

He stepped out of the crater, and wandered to the Minchumina airport. As a 747 started taking off, he grabbed the front wheel set, jammed the wheel retraction system, and gripped the plane wheel until he was over his destination. 

He jumped off and plummeted to the ground. Duckman slammed into the sandy earth, grabbed a shovel, and started digging. Within a few short days, he had excavated an entire diamond mine, staking his claim in the Zimbabwe precious stones business.

While one of Duckman's laborers mined, he burst through the cave wall to an open cavern. He frantically beckoned Duckman over to survey the scene. Inside, small children swung large iron pickaxes at dusty silver deposits. Duckman gawked, horrified at what he was witnessing. Most of these children looked not yet 7.

At the end of the workday, 10:00 pm for these younglings, he followed them home, wanting to inquire why they did such exhausting labor. The children stopped at an orphanage, and a fat, greasy man herded them in impatiently.

Duckman stealthily crawled into the orphanage.

When his back was turned, a minute voice questioned, “What are you doing here, Mister?” Duckman whipped around, and a tiny boy stood there beside him. The boy was covered in rags, filthy with dusty dirt and dirty dust.

“Why, my young boy, I am here to solve the mystery. What is your name?”

The boy looked around sheepishly, then replied,“My name? No one has asked me that in a long time. I'm Chionesu. What mystery are you talking about?”

“I am wondering why you would work so long and hard, when you are just a mere boy. Why don't you run and play, like any other child your age?”

“I wish I could, but Hondu Banga forces all the children around these parts to work in his mines. But I ha...” Chionesu was interrupted by the creaking of the floorboards coming from down the hall. He scurried off into another room, and the creaking grew in volume. 

Duckman looked around, then took off sprinting out of the orphanage, fearing the worst. Close behind him, he heard dozens of footsteps, as if an army of thugs was chasing after him, attempting to prevent his escape. Duckman turned around, caught a glimpse of his pursuers, and screamed like a school-girl.

Duckman ran and ran. He ran til he could run no more. He collapsed in a sandy area most commonly known as the Sahara desert. His vision began to blur, and he slipped in and out of consciousness. As his vision grew dark, he thought he saw a band of penguins wielding icicles coming to save him. Then it all went black.

Chionesu frolicked through pansies while licking an ice cream cone. He jumped in the air, lost his chains, and played with blocks.

“Slap Slap! Wakey Wakey!” yelled a large, chubby penguin, which upon closer analysis, Duckman concluded was a member of the Tuareg people, a tribal community that lives in the Sahara Desert, and not a penguin at all. “Hi! Welcome to our humble abode.” Duckman looked around inside the average sized tent. Yes, yes it is humble he thought to himself. “We welcome you as one of us.” Duckman got up out of the average sized bed, and started weeping. I left those poor children behind. Never, never again. Never. And from that moment onward, Duckman vowed to never again flee from a fight. He would go back, and free the innocent children.

He traversed into the endless sand mountains, forcing himself into exile, to teach himself self discipline and martial arts for 6 fortnights. He punched sand bags, kicked sand bags, ate sand bags, and drank sand bags. Finally, he grew in power, and was ready.

He boarded a camel headed for Zimbabwe, paid the express fee, and arrived 3 days later. It was dark upon his arrival, almost 11:00, and the moon was not full. He stumbled along a dirt trail until he came across a ragged looking group of younglings. 

After Duckman looked about, he spotted Chionesu. He shouted out, “Chionesu!” Chionesu groggily shifted, turned around, and, upon seeing Duckman, squealed with delight. “Duckman!” He cried.

“What are you doing out so late tonight?” Duckman asked, helping the tired child keep his balance.”

“Oh Duckman, things have gotten so much worse since you left. We work late, get up early, and Hondu installed fans in the mines just to blow the dust up into the air. Thank goodness you've returned, now everything will be okay, and I can dance in the pansies like I've always dreamed!”

“Yes my child,” Duckman smiled kindly, “everything is going to be alright. Just one thing, where does Hondu Banga reside?” Even as he spoke, the tired boy drifted off to sleep in his arm, while pointing due east.

Duckman lassoed a passing African Elephant and rode off, leaving as small a trail of dust as he can manage. He arrived at a compound, surrounded by concrete walls 8 ft high.  He charged the elephant into the wall, completely crumbling the cement into little pieces.  Duckman jumped off its back, and started shooting his AK-47 assault rifle into the guards.  They crumpled over, like dead bodies falling to the ground.  An alarm's shrill cry rung out through the air, and commandos started pouring out of the main building.


The commandos lined up, like 18th century British men, and Duckman gunned them down.  He shot his grappling hook to the top of the building.  From this vantage point, could see everyone and everything for 17 miles.  He shot down satchel charges to the main infrastructure points of the complex, and jumped through a window into Hondu Banga's living quarters.


"I have been waiting for you, Duckman," Hondu Banga sneered, and picked up his revolver and took aim at Duckman. Duckman ripped out his katana, just as Hondu shot, and sliced the bullet out of the air.


"I see your skills have improved," Hondu Banga growled, pulling out a broadsword from behind a picture of his grandmother.  Hondu rushed at Duckman, swinging his sword crazily.  Duckman promptly cut his sword in half, and swung around to cut off both his hands.


"Next time, buy American," Duckman jeered.  Duckman gripped his sword, whirled it around, and sliced right though Hondu Banga's upper torso, ripping his arms and lungs completely in half. Duckman whirled around, and climbed out the window, where a helicopter waited with a ladder hanging down, ready to take him back to the orphanage.  He jumped with all his might, grabbed the ladder, and was hoisted up into the helicopter.  

As Duckman turned around to look at fortress, he pushed in the big red remote control button, and the stronghold erupted into a fiery mess.

The helicopter brought him back to the orphanage, where the children all squealed with delight at the news, told by Duckman with excruciating detail..


"Thanks for saving us Duckman," the children all said in unison, as if rehearsed.


"I knew you would save us Duckman; we owe you our lives." Chionesu admitted, giving Duckman a hug.


"Anytime, Chionesu. Anytime," Duckman replied with a grin, "Now let us dance until our feet are sore with delight!"


And with that, Duckman and the children danced the night away, leaving all their cares and worries in the field of pansies.

ADV MJV