Saturday, July 30, 2011

Lesson Learned

It was a dark and stormy night. Tommy was home alone; his parents were out to dinner. He decided to watch TV for a while, since his parents usually only let him watch it for about 30 minutes each day.

There was a loud BOOM! and the power went out. Tommy was all alone in the dark. Tommy wasn't scared. Besides, nothing ever bad happens at his house.

Just then, he heard a strange screeching noise coming from the basement.

'Must be the furnace' Tommy thought.

Tommy knew it wasn't the furnace; they didn't even have one. He pretended to act brave, but ran upstairs nonetheless.

He sat in his bed, playing his Gameboy, so he wouldn't have to sit in the dark.

Lightning flashed. Tommy caught a glance of a shadow through the crack of his door, that appeared to be a man walking down the hall.

Tommy tensed up, and hid under his blankets.

Then, he realized. Hiding under some blankets isn't going to protect you from anything, unless it's not even real. Some how, Tommy knew that the shadow walking away was real.

He reached over to his night stand, and grabbed a pocket knife; the only weapon he had near him. He got out of bed, and slowly walked over to the door.

Just as he was about to open it, he heard a loud creak from the opposite side of the hall. His hand froze on the doorknob. He wasn't sure what to do next.

Lightning flashed again. A scream rang out from the main floor. Just then his dad came out from his bedroom closet.

"Hey son! It was me the whole time! Bet I scared you," his dad said.

Tommy's dad then opened the door and walked downstairs, never to be seen again.

"Well, I guess it happens," Tommy said.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Duckman Injections

At Duckman HQ, we decided to introduce a new line of products: Duckman Injections!  With these new fantastic syringes, you can do everything you dreamed, and more! And without further ado, a sneak preview of a few varieties that will be available.

The model for the syringe
Power Point
This ability gives you super strength.  No longer will you have to go to the weight room to become strong, now all it takes is a quick poke (or pressure, in doctor terms) and a nimble finger! Power level guaranteed exceeding 9000.







Flight Fluid
This shot gives you the power to fly.  Walking is overrated, and getting old.  Now, when taking this new product, soaring through the stratosphere with ease will be the simplest thing since making toast!





Awesome Sauce 
Finally, a shot to cure ugly.  Using this product turns you into the most amazing person ever.  Swag and suave guaranteed.









Cure-all Concoction
Save yourself, or a friend, in any situation.  Lost a leg? One shot of this will instantly heal all your wounds!  Need an organ transplant? Just remove the organ and take the shot.  Lost both your hands? Let's hope you have good friends, who will administer it for you.  If not, good luck.







Nuclear Nectar
Ever short on ammo, just when you need it most?  Well now, you will never run out of ammo, as you can beam energy at your opponents.  Feel like it's not a fair fight anymore?  At Duckman Connections, that's just the way we like it.






Results may vary. Do not use if pregnant, smoking, or sleeping.  Do not operate heavy machinery under the influence of Duckman Injections.  Contact your doctor if symptoms include: loss of appetite, runny nose, visions of dancing leprechauns, double vision, constant headaches, or the feeling of accomplishment. Swallowing the syringe may be harmful to your health. Store at temperatures between -100 degrees and 6000 degrees Fahrenheit.  Keep out of reach of children.  Effects temporary.  Not available in Canada or North Korea. ©2011 Duckman Connections.  All rights reserved.

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Sunday, July 24, 2011

Duckman Continues

              As our happy fellow pranced and danced through the meadow, two shots rang out. A moment later, a lone silhouette stepped out from the shadows cradling two Colt .45s. The silhouette yelled out " Yo, I think we got em!" in a husky yet soothing voice. Fifteen more figures took their places around the edge of the forest each with an earring in their nose and tattoos disfiguring their scalps. Suddenly the thick weeds parted and Duckman stepped out, bloody as a dog. A small dog nonetheless. (This event took place in HD) Looking at the shadows of the gang, Duckman noticed hairs on the back of the guys neck become erect. He gave a mighty bellow and beat his chest into a bloody pulp. Oops. He gathered his possessions and dropped them. Duckman then began to chant "QWERTY QWERTY QWERTY QWERTY." As he finished, one shot echoed throughout the Jungle. Our hero was standing among sixteen cadavers each with a collateral headshot. You may be wondering "where did this bullet come from?"(because D-man does not carry firearms) Turns out the Patriot Arrow was being tested in hostile situations all across the Ford Galaxy and had been hacked by Mark Zuckerberg himself. He had read a certain Duckman Blog, called up a certain author, and requested that his name be used in a life-changing novel.         








Good Night Folks                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Duckman Begins

Rain ripped through the trees as wind hurled itself under the bridge, producing a strange whistling noise. Thunder burst through the clouds, and waves crashed onto the shore of Lake Minchumina. Lightning flashed, and violently, Duckman came into existence.

He stepped out of the crater, and wandered to the Minchumina airport. As a 747 started taking off, he grabbed the front wheel set, jammed the wheel retraction system, and gripped the plane wheel until he was over his destination. 

He jumped off and plummeted to the ground. Duckman slammed into the sandy earth, grabbed a shovel, and started digging. Within a few short days, he had excavated an entire diamond mine, staking his claim in the Zimbabwe precious stones business.

While one of Duckman's laborers mined, he burst through the cave wall to an open cavern. He frantically beckoned Duckman over to survey the scene. Inside, small children swung large iron pickaxes at dusty silver deposits. Duckman gawked, horrified at what he was witnessing. Most of these children looked not yet 7.

At the end of the workday, 10:00 pm for these younglings, he followed them home, wanting to inquire why they did such exhausting labor. The children stopped at an orphanage, and a fat, greasy man herded them in impatiently.

Duckman stealthily crawled into the orphanage.

When his back was turned, a minute voice questioned, “What are you doing here, Mister?” Duckman whipped around, and a tiny boy stood there beside him. The boy was covered in rags, filthy with dusty dirt and dirty dust.

“Why, my young boy, I am here to solve the mystery. What is your name?”

The boy looked around sheepishly, then replied,“My name? No one has asked me that in a long time. I'm Chionesu. What mystery are you talking about?”

“I am wondering why you would work so long and hard, when you are just a mere boy. Why don't you run and play, like any other child your age?”

“I wish I could, but Hondu Banga forces all the children around these parts to work in his mines. But I ha...” Chionesu was interrupted by the creaking of the floorboards coming from down the hall. He scurried off into another room, and the creaking grew in volume. 

Duckman looked around, then took off sprinting out of the orphanage, fearing the worst. Close behind him, he heard dozens of footsteps, as if an army of thugs was chasing after him, attempting to prevent his escape. Duckman turned around, caught a glimpse of his pursuers, and screamed like a school-girl.

Duckman ran and ran. He ran til he could run no more. He collapsed in a sandy area most commonly known as the Sahara desert. His vision began to blur, and he slipped in and out of consciousness. As his vision grew dark, he thought he saw a band of penguins wielding icicles coming to save him. Then it all went black.

Chionesu frolicked through pansies while licking an ice cream cone. He jumped in the air, lost his chains, and played with blocks.

“Slap Slap! Wakey Wakey!” yelled a large, chubby penguin, which upon closer analysis, Duckman concluded was a member of the Tuareg people, a tribal community that lives in the Sahara Desert, and not a penguin at all. “Hi! Welcome to our humble abode.” Duckman looked around inside the average sized tent. Yes, yes it is humble he thought to himself. “We welcome you as one of us.” Duckman got up out of the average sized bed, and started weeping. I left those poor children behind. Never, never again. Never. And from that moment onward, Duckman vowed to never again flee from a fight. He would go back, and free the innocent children.

He traversed into the endless sand mountains, forcing himself into exile, to teach himself self discipline and martial arts for 6 fortnights. He punched sand bags, kicked sand bags, ate sand bags, and drank sand bags. Finally, he grew in power, and was ready.

He boarded a camel headed for Zimbabwe, paid the express fee, and arrived 3 days later. It was dark upon his arrival, almost 11:00, and the moon was not full. He stumbled along a dirt trail until he came across a ragged looking group of younglings. 

After Duckman looked about, he spotted Chionesu. He shouted out, “Chionesu!” Chionesu groggily shifted, turned around, and, upon seeing Duckman, squealed with delight. “Duckman!” He cried.

“What are you doing out so late tonight?” Duckman asked, helping the tired child keep his balance.”

“Oh Duckman, things have gotten so much worse since you left. We work late, get up early, and Hondu installed fans in the mines just to blow the dust up into the air. Thank goodness you've returned, now everything will be okay, and I can dance in the pansies like I've always dreamed!”

“Yes my child,” Duckman smiled kindly, “everything is going to be alright. Just one thing, where does Hondu Banga reside?” Even as he spoke, the tired boy drifted off to sleep in his arm, while pointing due east.

Duckman lassoed a passing African Elephant and rode off, leaving as small a trail of dust as he can manage. He arrived at a compound, surrounded by concrete walls 8 ft high.  He charged the elephant into the wall, completely crumbling the cement into little pieces.  Duckman jumped off its back, and started shooting his AK-47 assault rifle into the guards.  They crumpled over, like dead bodies falling to the ground.  An alarm's shrill cry rung out through the air, and commandos started pouring out of the main building.


The commandos lined up, like 18th century British men, and Duckman gunned them down.  He shot his grappling hook to the top of the building.  From this vantage point, could see everyone and everything for 17 miles.  He shot down satchel charges to the main infrastructure points of the complex, and jumped through a window into Hondu Banga's living quarters.


"I have been waiting for you, Duckman," Hondu Banga sneered, and picked up his revolver and took aim at Duckman. Duckman ripped out his katana, just as Hondu shot, and sliced the bullet out of the air.


"I see your skills have improved," Hondu Banga growled, pulling out a broadsword from behind a picture of his grandmother.  Hondu rushed at Duckman, swinging his sword crazily.  Duckman promptly cut his sword in half, and swung around to cut off both his hands.


"Next time, buy American," Duckman jeered.  Duckman gripped his sword, whirled it around, and sliced right though Hondu Banga's upper torso, ripping his arms and lungs completely in half. Duckman whirled around, and climbed out the window, where a helicopter waited with a ladder hanging down, ready to take him back to the orphanage.  He jumped with all his might, grabbed the ladder, and was hoisted up into the helicopter.  

As Duckman turned around to look at fortress, he pushed in the big red remote control button, and the stronghold erupted into a fiery mess.

The helicopter brought him back to the orphanage, where the children all squealed with delight at the news, told by Duckman with excruciating detail..


"Thanks for saving us Duckman," the children all said in unison, as if rehearsed.


"I knew you would save us Duckman; we owe you our lives." Chionesu admitted, giving Duckman a hug.


"Anytime, Chionesu. Anytime," Duckman replied with a grin, "Now let us dance until our feet are sore with delight!"


And with that, Duckman and the children danced the night away, leaving all their cares and worries in the field of pansies.

ADV MJV

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Modern Warfare 3

What guns are in MW3? What perks are in MW3? What killstreaks will be in MW3? What maps are in MW3?

Theses are all questions many people are asking about the upcoming sequel to Modern Warfare 2.

First off, What guns will be in Modern Warfare 3?


Assault Rifles

ACR

AK47

G36

M4

Scar

Sub-Machine Guns


Magpul FMG

MP5

Skorpian

Shotguns:


AA-12

KSG

Model 1887

Striker

Pistols


MP410

Walter P99

Sniper Rifles


Barret .50 Cal

M21 EBR

PSG1

RSASS

What Perks will be in Modern Warfare 3?

Perk Set 1:


Covert: 


-Feature 1: Stops enemy from viewing their killcam when they are killed by you, and prevents deathmarks from being set down when you kill a player from the opposite team.

-Feature 2: You remain hidden from enemy UAV, and you no longer have a red name or cross hair when an enemy is near you.

-Feature 3: You remain hidden from all enemy killstreak rewards.


Recon:


-Feature 1: Gain killstreak reward with one less kill.

-Feature 2: You can switch airdrops, capture enemy airdrops faster, and detect when an enemy has booby trapped an airdrop.

-Feature 3: If an enemy calls in either an airstrike or helicopter, you will be able to detect exactly where it is attacking on the map.


Specialist:


-Feature 1: You move faster.

-Feature 2: You are able to run for a longer duration.

-Feature 3: You can walk crouched or prone faster.


Scavenger:


-Feature 1: Resupply from dead enemies (ammo and lethal grenades).

-Feature 2: Resupply tactical grenades and equipment from dead enemies.

-Feature 3: NOT DECIDED.


Perk Set 2:


Sleight of Hand:


-Feature 1: You can reload all weapons faster.

-Feature 2: The ability to ADS (Aim Down Sight) faster.

-Feature 3: Switch weapons faster.

Reflexes:


-Feature 1: Use knife a lot quicker.

-Feature 2: Less flinch when shot at.

-Feature 3: Crouch/Prone/Stand up quicker.

Sharpshooter:


-Feature 1: Makes shooting more controllable and more predictable (does not get rid of recoil).

-Feature 2: Increase in hip fire accuracy.

-Feature 3: Reduces sway. If using a sniper, you can hold your breath longer.

Bling:


-Feature 1: Equip three attachments to primary gun (default is 2)

-Feature 2: Equip two attachments to secondary gun (default is 1)

-Feature 3: Equip two pieces of equipment.

Weapon Master:


-Feature 1: Replaces your secondary with another primary gun.

-Feature 2: Drop no weapon upon death.

-Feature 3: Equip a pistol of your choice along side.


Perk Set 3:


Bandoiler:

-Feature 1: Always spawn with full ammunition (at beginning of game and when you respawn after dying).

-Feature 2: Have two lethal grenade slots and three tactical grenade slots (you also spawn with full grenades).

-Feature 3: Hold three extra magazines in your loud out.

Tactician:


-Feature 1: Take no falling damage.

-Feature 2: Throw grenades quicker and farther.

-Feature 3: Reset fuse on grenades when throwing them back.


Infiltrator:


-Feature 1: Footsteps are silent.

-Feature 2: Enemy equipment no longer harms you unless it's a proximity explosive.

-Feature 3: Knifing, reloading, defusing, etc is silent.


Engineer:


-Feature 1: See enemy equipment through walls.

-Feature 2: Booby trap enemy airdrops and hack enemy equipment.

-Feature 3: Defuse the bomb quicker in bomb based games.

Navigator:

-Feature 1: Enemies shown on radar last longer, and it shows the direction they are going.

-Feature 2: You are not affected by Counter UAVs.

-Feature 3: The close enemies get to you, the more jammed their radar will become.

What killstreaks will be in Modern Warfare 3?

3) Mortar Team (1 spot)

3) UAV

4) Counter UAV

4) SAM Turret

4) Care Package

5) Precision Air Strike

5) Sentry Gun

6) Artillery (3 locations)

6) Predator Missile

7) Attack Helicopter

7) Stealth Bomber

8) Harrier Airstrike

8) GlobalHawk (like the Blackbird)

9) Fire Scout UAV (UAV + Attack Helicopter)

9) Pavelow

9) Emergency Airdrop (4 packages)

9) EMP (lasts for 60 seconds)

13) AC-130

15) Chopper Gunner

18) Nuclear EMP (disables enemy perks for 30 seconds. Electronics and Air Killstreaks will not be disabled)

What Maps will be in Modern Warfare 3?


Alpha

Alps

Bootleg

Bravo

Brooklyn

Carbon

Coast

Dome

Exchange

Hardhat

Interchange

Lambeth

Meteora

Mogadishu

Paris

Plaza 2

Radar

Seatown

Underground

Village

*Not all of the things in this post are 100% approved to be in the game. There is just a high probability that they will be.


Thanks to this guy for helping with information.

TPW

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Chupacabra

What is the Chupacabra? What does the Chupacabra look like? Where can I find the Chupacabra? Where has the Chupacabra been sighted before?


If you ever find yourself wondering any of these questions, then look no further!

What is the Chupacabra?

Translate from Spanish, it means (chupar) 'to suck' and (cabra) 'goat'. So, it literally means, 'goat-sucker'.

It is a cryptid (a creature or plant whose existence has been suggested, but unrecognized and highly unlikely to be real), said to live somewhere in the Americas.

The supposed appearance
What does the Chupacabra look like?

It is a reptile-like creature, said to be a weird greenish-gray color, and have sharp spines running down its back.

It is about 3 to 4 feet high (when standing) and jumps similar to that of a kangaroo.

It has a dog-like nose, forked tongue, and large fangs.

It hisses and screeches when alarmed, and its eyes appear to glow red when screeching, causing witnesses to experience nausea.

Others say that the Chupacabra is some sort of dog-reptile breed.

It has been reported that the bite marks it leaves are in the shape of an upside-down triangle, or one or two holes.

Where can I find the Chupacabra?

Most, if not all sightings, have been in either of the two Americas.

Here are the most of the areas in which it has been sighted:

-Puerto Rico (March 1995) - First Report
-San Antonia, Texas (July 2004)
-Central Russia (April 2006)
-Turner, Maine (Mid-August 2006)
-Boyaca, Colombia (May 2007)
-Cuero, Texas (August 2007)
-Philippines; province of Capiz (January 11, 2008)
-Cuero, Texas (August 8, 2008)
-Blanco, Texas (September 2009)
-Lake Jackson, Texas (July 4, 2011) - Most Recent Report


On December 8, 2010, in Nelson County, Kentucky, Mark Cothren killed a creature he did not recognize. He said it had large ears, whiskers, and a long tail.

No scientists have ever confirmed that any of the animals found that were supposedly the Chupacabra, were actually the real thing.

Thanks to Wikipedia for most of the information on the Chupacabra.

TPW

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Minecraft Adventure Update

What different things will be added to Minecraft when the Adventure Update, or patch 1.8, comes out?

There will be 40+ things added when the update comes out, although Notch stated that he wants to keep it a surprise.

However, he has told of some things through his blog, The Word of Notch, and on his Twitter account.

The Word of Notch:
NPC Village

-NPC Villages
-Randomly generated dungeons
-New biome code (larger biomes)
-Fully working Creative Mode (and individual admins can enter Creative Mode on a Survival Mode server if they choose)
-Critical hits
-Sprinting
-More farming options
Moss-Covered Ruins
-More rewarding exploration and combat

According to Twitter accounts:

-Hold-to-charge bows
-Tweaked and improved sounds
-Brightness slider
-Leaves won't decay if they have a connection to wood blocks at most 5 steps away
-New Mob
-New launcher
-Ordinary look of cobblestone changing
-20% change that wolves will become hostile if fed bones. Increasing health by 4 and attack by 1
-Achievement if you kill a skeleton with a bow from 50 meters away.

Ravine crossing through a stronghold
Not Totally Confirmed: 


-Underground Ravines
-You automatically get a critical hit if you are in the air travelling downwards
-Sky dimension
-Smaller animals (lizards, small snakes, scorpions, etc)

Also, if you look closely at the photos, you will notice a couple new block types - which will most likely show up in the Minecraft 1.8 Update. Looking at the picture of the NPC Village, there appears to be a large mushroom in the background.

It has been rumored that there will be large ravines and caves/dungeons underneath the ruins.

There are so many more things that will be included in the newest Minecraft Update. However, we will all have to wait and see what they will be; since Notch wants to keep most of it a secret.

TPW

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Shangri La Strategy

 Some of you have been asking, "What is a good strategy for Shangri La?".  This guide answers that question.

In the new Call of Duty: Black Ops Zombies map, Shangri La (also spelled Shangri-La), there seems to be little hope in finding a good loop to run while mowing down the zombie hordes. However, here at Duckman Connections, we put in hours developing 2 routes for you to run.  Both strategies begin at the water slide, the best location for a quick getaway.

For both of these strategies, you should have 1 person with the baby gun, at least 1 person with the ray gun, and as many people as possible with monkeys.


4 Person Strategies
Both Strategies begin like this:  Begin at the water slide.  Have one person cover the window, one person cover the road with the waterfall over it, and the other two cover the Mud Pit Temple entrance.

Strategy #1
When you become overrun, go down the water slide, and take a left through the door.  Do not go to fast, but do not go too slow. Head toward the Power Room.  When you get to the Power Room, keep on going through the next door toward the waterfall.  Go up the tunnel and over the bridge.  Go through the Mud Pit Temple, back to the water slide.  AK-74u's are a good primary weapon for this strategy, as ammo is plentiful (You can buy more ammo near the bottom of the water slide).

Strategy #2
When you become overrun, go down the water slide, and wait for the first zombie to come down.  Go up the geyser.  Sprint toward the quick revive room (jump over the bamboo traps), and head into the Mud Pit Temple, to the water slide. Ak-74u's are a good primary weapon, as ammo is plentiful (You can buy more ammo near the bottom of the water slide).

2 Person Strategies
Both Strategies begin like this:  Begin at the water slide.  Have one person cover the window and the road with the waterfall over it and the other one cover the Mud Pit Temple entrance.

Strategy #1
When you become overrun, go down the water slide, and take a left through the door.  Do not go to fast, but do not go too slow. Head toward the Power Room.  When you get to the Power Room, keep on going through the next door toward the waterfall.  Go up the tunnel and over the bridge.  Go through the Mud Pit Temple, back to the water slide.  AK-74u's are a good primary weapon for this strategy, as ammo is plentiful (You can buy more ammo near the bottom of the water slide).

Strategy #2
When you become overrun, go down the water slide, and wait for the first zombie to come down.  Go up the geyser.  Sprint toward the quick revive room (jump over the bamboo traps), and head into the Mud Pit Temple, to the water slide. Ak-74u's are a good primary weapon, as ammo is plentiful (You can buy more ammo near the bottom of the water slide).

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Friday, July 8, 2011

Shangri La Pictures

The 31-79 JGb215 "Baby gun".

A Napalm Zombie.

A Napalm Zombie.

The Fractalizer, the upgraded 31-79 JGB215, the "Super Baby Kicker".

The Shrieker Zombie, sprinting toward the player.

The shrieking Shrieker Zombie.  It appears to shoot out a sonic boom.

Vision blurred by the Shrieker Zombie, now turned to attacking the player.

A Shrieker Zombie, just finished sliding down the water slide
This pictures were taken on the map Shangri La on Call of Duty: Black Ops Zombies.

Thanks to CECE Television for assisting me in taking these pictures.

ADV

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Shangri La

The newest map addition to Call of Duty: Black Ops zombies, Shangri-La boasts all new zombie types, 7 perks, an enormous Easter egg, geysers, a mine cart, a new super weapon, and a way to change the power-ups dropped by zombies.

New Zombie Types
2 new zombie types make their debuts in Shangri-La: Shrieker zombies and Napalm zombies.

Shrieker zombies run extremely fast.  When they reach their target, they shoot sound waves and distort the vision of the player.  After yelling, they can run up and attack the player.  When you kill a Shrieker zombie, a shock wave shoots out from where the zombie died, and kills all surrounding zombies.


Napalm zombies are the more dangerous of the two.A player can tell when a Napalm zombie is around because his vision will start on fire. Napalm zombies move slowly.  When you get near them, they crouch down, then explode, and spew a fiery mess all over the ground where they died.  If a zombie runs into the napalm, they start on fire and burn to death.  Napalm zombies can easily kill you while exploding if you do not have Juggernog. Napalm zombies have a ton of health.  The easiest way to deal with them, especially in later rounds, is to run up close so they crouch down, then run away while they explode.  This strategy saves precious ammo.

Warning: If the Napalm Zombie is the only zombie left on the map, the next round will start.

7 perks
The perk machines featured in Shangri-La are Quick Revive, Juggernog, Speed Cola, Stamin' Up, Double Tap Root Beer, PHD Flopper, and Deadshot Daiquiri.  Quick Revive always spawns in the first room.  Juggernog and Speedcola randomly spawn above ground.  Stamin' Up, Double Tap Root Beer, PHD Flopper, and Deadshot Daiquiri all spawn randomly in the mines.

To optimize performance on this level, I suggest using Juggernog, Speed Cola, Double Tap Root Beer, and Deadshot Daiquiri.  Since Deadshot Daiquiri decreases recoil, it goes perfect with Double Tap Root Beer.  Juggernog and Speed Cola are always necessary in zombies, so you will obviously need them.  

In Shangri La, PHD Flopper and Stamin' Up are both not necessary.  There is not a useful explosive gun to use with PHD Flopper (unless you are using Mustang and Sally).  You also do not need to run for a long period of time, so Stamin' Up isn't very useful.

Quick Revive is optional instead of Deadshot Daiquiri or Double Tap Root Beer if your teammates suck.  But usually, monkey bombs do the trick for reviving.

How to Turn on the Power
Both Pathways lead to the power room, and in the bottom room, there are two waterwheels.  Activate both switches to activate both waterwheels to turn on the power.

Pack-a-Punch
The Pack-a-Punch Machine is located at the top of the temple. To get to it, all the players in the game must step on a pressure plate at the same time, near the spinning statues.
These pressure plates are located:
1. Right in front of Quick Revive.
2. Passed the bridge on the waterfall side.
3. In the tunnel on the minecart side.
4. In between the Power switches

A New Superweapon
The 31-79 JGb215 gun shrinks things.  This is used extensively in the Shangri La Easter egg.  It is also call the "Baby Gun" or "Baby Kicker", because when it hits zombies, it makes their bodies shrink, but their heads stay the same size.  When the zombies are small like this, you can run into them and kick them to send them flying, or shoot them for a 1 hit kill.  Shooting your teammate will do nothing, unlike the VR-11.

Easter Egg
This Easter egg has 11 steps.  At the end, you get the focusing stone, which gives the player all 7 perks, even through being downed or killed. You must have the 31-79 JGb215, spikemores, and 4 players to complete this Easter egg.  After each step, put the time back into eclipse phase (unless otherwise stated).  The orbs are rewarded for completing the various tasks done throughout the Easter egg.  They are high above the players on podiums.

1. By the Quick Revive machine, there are four stone dials.  All players must press "X" at the same time, and you will travel back in time, to an eclipse phase.

2. Press the button near the MPL.  12 tiles will pop up on each side of the map (12 by Speed Cola, 12 by Juggernog) after the characters finish their dialogue.  Each set of 12 has the same symbols as the other set of 12.  You must press down the same symbol on each side of the map at the same time.  Pressing the wrong two tiles will make you start over.

3. Have 3 players stand at the bottom of the water slide, on the pressure plate.  Have the 4th player slide down the water-slide, while holding "X".

4. Go to the top of the waterslide.  A meteorite has spawned on top of the waterfall.  Shoot it down with a ray gun or an explosive.  When it falls, shoot it with the 31-79 JGb215, and it will shrink. Knife it into the waterslide, then go up the geyser with it. It will fall into its place.

5. Go to the tunnel on the mine cart side and, in the tunnel, the dial must be turned 3-4 times, until the characters start talking.  When done correctly, there will be many gas leaks, starting at the top of the tunnel, all the way to the power room.  Lure a calm Napalm Zombie through the tunnel to the power room, and all the gas leaks will start on fire.  Go back to the dial and pull the level next to it.

6. Go to the other tunnel, on the bridge side of the map, and you will see 4 holes now on one side of the tunnel.  These holes must be plugged with spikemores.  Place spikemores facing these holes, and lure crawler zombies through the tunnel to set off the spikemores.  You can't shoot the spikemores yourself, or it will not plug the holes.  Then travel to the bottom of the waterfall.  On a side of the boulder in the center, there is a brick, with the words "Do not hold X". The smartest thing to do at this point is to hold "X".

7. 12 panels are spread around the map.  These can be knifed in any order.  When all 12 panels are lit up, a snare trap can be seen out of bounds by the mine cart area.  Blow it up with any explosive.

8. In the present, there is now a radio found near the mine cart gate.  It says "16, 1, 3, 4". In the past, go to the mud-pit temple, and put that code into the dials on the temple walls. A "C" is 10, an "I" is 5, and a dot is 1.

9. In the present, on the right side of the stairs leading up to the Pack-a-Punch, there is a radio.  It says Brock lost his bag of dynamite while being chased by zombies.  Activate the 4 gongs that create a long ringing noise.  All the orbs should light up with all these gongs playing in sync.  Go to the orb by the mine cart geyser.  Shoot the orb with the upgraded 31-79 JGb215, and the dynamite bag will drop from the orb.  You must catch it, or you must restart this step.

10. Activate the gongs again, and shoot the orb above the mud-pit temple with the upgraded
31-79 JGb215.  This will shrink the massive meteorite on top of the Pack-a-Punch temple.

11.Go up to the Pack-a-Punch, and hand the dynamite through the hole at the top of the Pack-a-Punch Temple.  In the present, go back to the top of the temple, behind where the Pack-a-Punch should be, and collect the focusing stone.


Congrats, you finished the Easter egg!  You now have all 7 perks, even through being down or dying.  This entire Easter egg can be done multiple times to let the other players get focusing stones too, so every player can get all 7 perks!

Geysers, the Mine Cart, and the Water Slide
There are 2 geysers on the map, one near the base of the waterfall, and the other in the room past the waterfall when you are heading to the power room.  The one near the waterfall shoots you up near the mine cart.  The other one shoots you up in the main spawn room, behind the Quick Revive machine.  The mine cart cost 250 points to ride it and the start is located at the highest point in the room with the MPL.  The mine cart ends at the base of the waterfall, when it tosses you out.  The Water Slide is right near the mud-pit temple, and is free to use.  The power must be turned on to use it.

Change Power-ups dropped by Zombies
When a power up is dropped in Shangri La, wait for the monkeys to start screaming.  Eventually, a monkey will come and steal it.  It will begin its trip to the top of the temple with the Pack-a-Punch machine.  On its way there, the Power-up will randomly change.  Simply kill the monkey when you see the Power-up you want, and the monkey will drop the power-up.  Pick it up, and rejoice.

The power ups in Shangri La are: Insta-kill, Double points, Max Ammo, Nuke, Carpenter, Fire Sale, and Random Perk Bottle.  The Random Perk Bottle is only available if the monkey picks up the power up.  While randomly changing, the Power Up changes to a Random Perk Bottle for only a split second.

An easy way to get points is to wait a little bit before getting the power up, then grabbing it.  A monkey will come to hit you, for stealing its precious power-up.  Before the monkey touches you, knife it, and you will get 500 points.  Especially useful during the beginning rounds of the zombie match.

3 Meteorite Locations for the Song
For directions for these meteorites, assume the way you are facing when you spawn (facing the temple) is north. So, without further ado, how to find the Easter egg song in Shangri La Black Ops Zombies:
First Meteorite



1. In the spawn room, head to the south east corner.  It is right near a stone beam laying horizontally.





Second meteorite


 

2. Head to the bridge.  Just off the east end of the bridge, the meteorite lies.


The third meteorite







3. Head down the water slide. Take a left through the door, and hang a left.  There is a small hole in the wall on the side.  The meteorite is just behind it.





Now enjoy Pareidolia by Elena Siegman.

Thanks to Whiteboy7thst for the video on Meteorite locations

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