On an ordinary day, a long time ago, we at Duckman HQ hatched a plan to release a celebratory video for a possibly special occasion for certain people on certain days. Then we realized that this idea was not worth our time. But on a very special day like today, we realized that this was in fact the best idea in the world. So here it is....
Oh and also, Duckman Connections is not responsible for any misfortunes that may occur to our viewers after subjecting their eyes and ears to such creativity. Thank you.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
Time Travel
One of the greatest mysteries of our time is time travel.
'Is it even possible?'
'Didn't they try this on a platypus once?' and
'I think I saw a movie about this.'
Are just some of the reactions people first have when hearing about time travel. In fact, in a recent study, 58% of people said they really did believe scientists tried it on a platypus once.
Before we delve too deep into the murky waters of time travel in the future, and I know you are all anxious to go there, we must first take a look at time travel in the past and now.
In the past, scientists have worked numerous nights and days trying to figure out complicated mathematical formulas on how to travel through the space time continuum.
There has been once instance where time travel has been achieved. Back in 1985, Doc Brown, a famous scientist, created a car that could travel in time. All you had to do was set a time and date, and get up to speeds of 88mph.
Once the car reached 88mph, the car disappeared from the current reality and zoomed to either the past or future.
'If this actually happened, wouldn't they have video footage?'
What a very good question, my intuitive reader. Those who claimed to have seen time travel in a movie before, are in fact telling the truth.
Go to your nearest video store, or use Netflix if you desire, and rent 'Back to the Future 1,2, and 3'. These three documentaries show real video footage of the first time travel.
Sadly, the only car ever created for time travel was destroyed. No human since has been able to reinvent time travel in any way.
'Can we delve deep into the murky waters of time travel in the future now?'
If you insist. Since time travel hasn't been created yet, it will never be created. This may seem like a bad thing, but in all actuality, it's not.
In the future large alien squid-like things will take over the earth. Fortunately for us those aliens weren't smart enough to invent time travel either. So, our world will remain the same, and we won't ever have to worry about mutant alien squids killing us.
Here are a few quotes about what others have to say about time travel.
'Once confined to fantasy and science fiction, time travel is now simply a... problem' - Michio Kaku
'Time travel is [not] possible' - Clifford Pickover
'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it mus t be a duck' - anonymous
TPW
'Is it even possible?'
'Didn't they try this on a platypus once?' and
'I think I saw a movie about this.'
Are just some of the reactions people first have when hearing about time travel. In fact, in a recent study, 58% of people said they really did believe scientists tried it on a platypus once.
Before we delve too deep into the murky waters of time travel in the future, and I know you are all anxious to go there, we must first take a look at time travel in the past and now.
In the past, scientists have worked numerous nights and days trying to figure out complicated mathematical formulas on how to travel through the space time continuum.
There has been once instance where time travel has been achieved. Back in 1985, Doc Brown, a famous scientist, created a car that could travel in time. All you had to do was set a time and date, and get up to speeds of 88mph.
Once the car reached 88mph, the car disappeared from the current reality and zoomed to either the past or future.
'If this actually happened, wouldn't they have video footage?'
What a very good question, my intuitive reader. Those who claimed to have seen time travel in a movie before, are in fact telling the truth.
Go to your nearest video store, or use Netflix if you desire, and rent 'Back to the Future 1,2, and 3'. These three documentaries show real video footage of the first time travel.
Sadly, the only car ever created for time travel was destroyed. No human since has been able to reinvent time travel in any way.
'Can we delve deep into the murky waters of time travel in the future now?'
If you insist. Since time travel hasn't been created yet, it will never be created. This may seem like a bad thing, but in all actuality, it's not.
In the future large alien squid-like things will take over the earth. Fortunately for us those aliens weren't smart enough to invent time travel either. So, our world will remain the same, and we won't ever have to worry about mutant alien squids killing us.
Here are a few quotes about what others have to say about time travel.
'Once confined to fantasy and science fiction, time travel is now simply a... problem' - Michio Kaku
'Time travel is [not] possible' - Clifford Pickover
'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it mus t be a duck' - anonymous
TPW
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Intergalactic Space Travel
In another effort to make you more knowledgeable, I am going to reveal another previously unknown piece of information. Today's lesson is on... intergalactic space travel.
Theories on how to travel to another galaxy abound. Some say the solution is simple. Others say it is nearly impossible. Here are just a sampling of the theories:
-"Just strap a jet pack to your back."
-"Utilize the nothingness of space as a fuel!"
-"Build a time machine, and go forward in time, and bring back a Space Tram©"
Obviously none of these will work, so we might as well give up. Traveling to another galaxy would take to long, and would be worthless.
"I reckon you might was well give up." - Henry Winters
ADV
Theories on how to travel to another galaxy abound. Some say the solution is simple. Others say it is nearly impossible. Here are just a sampling of the theories:
-"Just strap a jet pack to your back."
-"Utilize the nothingness of space as a fuel!"
-"Build a time machine, and go forward in time, and bring back a Space Tram©"
Obviously none of these will work, so we might as well give up. Traveling to another galaxy would take to long, and would be worthless.
"I reckon you might was well give up." - Henry Winters
ADV
Ghregery Gujumanju
Modern civilization could not exist without the intensive research and production of Ghregery Gujumanju's many inventions.
'Who is Ghregery Gujumanju?'
Ghregery Gujumanju was a man of many accomplishments. He was born in 1567, on July 20, in the Sahara desert. His parents were testing the new Parachute Pants, and something went wrong, so they flew from Scotland to approximately present day Faya-Largeau.
Ghregery was the only African Prince to wear his bald headed victims on his head and carry a large ice cream cone.
'Did he even do anything in his life?'
Ghregery Gujumanju is repeatedly praised by history professors as having the longest list of achievements. Here is just a sampling:
-Most bon-bons eaten in 20 minutes
-Won the Lima Bean Juggling World Championship 67 consecutive years
-Kangaroo Wrangler
-Sent first three chimpanzees to Mars
-First 'man' to wear a pink skirt
-Invented the 'Lead Legs' to keep tone
-Haggled for 10 red toes from an Indian Black Market salesperson
-Perfected parachute pants
-Read a book
-Made it to level 9001 on Kino der Toten
-Successful ice cream saleman
'How much ice cream did he eat?'
Picture 600 purple gorillas. Now picture a very big bowl of ice cream. Take three of those bowls, put in on your head, roll down a grassy knoll, and the circumference of a nine-inch radius sphere is equivalent to the amount of ice cream he ate in pounds.
'What about the 600 Gorillas?'
...
'McDonald's or Burger King?'
White Castle; remind me of Home Country
'What shade of orange is his beard?'
Imagine an orange. Yeah, about right.
'Any memorable quotes from his life?'
"What do you want, a cookie?" - Ghregery Gujumanju, after the doctor announced the birth of his first child.
"If I had a pancake for every man I killed, I'd have one (1) pancake." - Ghregery Gujumanju, after accepting the certificate for most bon-bons eaten in 20 minutes.
"Hey mom. What's for breakfast?"
ADV TPW MJV
'Who is Ghregery Gujumanju?'
Ghregery Gujumanju was a man of many accomplishments. He was born in 1567, on July 20, in the Sahara desert. His parents were testing the new Parachute Pants, and something went wrong, so they flew from Scotland to approximately present day Faya-Largeau.
Ghregery was the only African Prince to wear his bald headed victims on his head and carry a large ice cream cone.
'Did he even do anything in his life?'
Ghregery Gujumanju is repeatedly praised by history professors as having the longest list of achievements. Here is just a sampling:
-Most bon-bons eaten in 20 minutes
-Won the Lima Bean Juggling World Championship 67 consecutive years
-Kangaroo Wrangler
-Sent first three chimpanzees to Mars
-First 'man' to wear a pink skirt
-Invented the 'Lead Legs' to keep tone
-Haggled for 10 red toes from an Indian Black Market salesperson
-Perfected parachute pants
-Read a book
-Made it to level 9001 on Kino der Toten
-Successful ice cream saleman
'How much ice cream did he eat?'
Picture 600 purple gorillas. Now picture a very big bowl of ice cream. Take three of those bowls, put in on your head, roll down a grassy knoll, and the circumference of a nine-inch radius sphere is equivalent to the amount of ice cream he ate in pounds.
'What about the 600 Gorillas?'
...
'McDonald's or Burger King?'
White Castle; remind me of Home Country
'What shade of orange is his beard?'
Imagine an orange. Yeah, about right.
'Any memorable quotes from his life?'
"What do you want, a cookie?" - Ghregery Gujumanju, after the doctor announced the birth of his first child.
"If I had a pancake for every man I killed, I'd have one (1) pancake." - Ghregery Gujumanju, after accepting the certificate for most bon-bons eaten in 20 minutes.
'Any memorable quotes from his childhood?'
ADV TPW MJV
Friday, May 27, 2011
Quotes (Part 2)
Apparently, you, the general public, love quotes. I have received so many emails stating, "Thanks so much for the quotes! Now I can look at your blog AND do homework. I LOVE YOU!". Here are a few more I dug up for you, to assist you in your reports and such as.
"One must decide the greater evil: Apples, or children," - William Tell.
"In a war of pits, peaches must win" - Paul Bixby, a peach farmer.
"I took an 8 hour nap during the mile race. Don't give me crap about slow and steady" - Hare.
"Make me a sandwich" - Captain Jack Sparrow.
"Canada, in essence, is useless" - Leif Erikson
"Wanna toss around the old pig skin?" - Arthur Hoggett
"One must decide the greater evil: Apples, or children," - William Tell.
"In a war of pits, peaches must win" - Paul Bixby, a peach farmer.
"I took an 8 hour nap during the mile race. Don't give me crap about slow and steady" - Hare.
"Make me a sandwich" - Captain Jack Sparrow.
"Canada, in essence, is useless" - Leif Erikson
"Wanna toss around the old pig skin?" - Arthur Hoggett
Bixby Black funny If I die young lyrics Paul Paul Bixby Rebecca Rebecca Black What is a wumpus where's my refund Why is the sky blue
ADV
ADV
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Quotes
I figured that most people who read this blog are supposed to be doing research projects. So, instead of instigating procrastination, I decided to help be part of the solution. I did some research for you to find some quotes that you can use in your college level papers!
"You just gotta know when to stop." - Archie Karas, when asked for tips on winning money gambling.
"I really just wanted to be a dentist" - Isaac Newton
"I can make 1+1= Fish." Albert Einstein
"I feel like that Gates closed" - Mary Gates, referring to her Harvard dropout son.
"Piano. It's as easy as A, B, C, D, E, F, G" - Mozart
"As a kid, I always wanted to be a boxer. Yes, working at FedEx was my dream." - Mohammed Ali
"I invented the light bulb and a motion picture camera, but I have yet to figure out a way to get a girl to fall in love with me" - Thomas Edison
"I can bench-press your grandmother 500 times" - Ryan Kennelly
"It was a ruse. I'm not deaf" - Ludwig van Beethoven, on his deathbed.
"The sad thing is that you can't believe every quote you read on the internet" - Abraham Lincoln.
ADV TPW
"You just gotta know when to stop." - Archie Karas, when asked for tips on winning money gambling.
"I really just wanted to be a dentist" - Isaac Newton
"I can make 1+1= Fish." Albert Einstein
"I feel like that Gates closed" - Mary Gates, referring to her Harvard dropout son.
"Piano. It's as easy as A, B, C, D, E, F, G" - Mozart
"As a kid, I always wanted to be a boxer. Yes, working at FedEx was my dream." - Mohammed Ali
"I invented the light bulb and a motion picture camera, but I have yet to figure out a way to get a girl to fall in love with me" - Thomas Edison
"I can bench-press your grandmother 500 times" - Ryan Kennelly
"It was a ruse. I'm not deaf" - Ludwig van Beethoven, on his deathbed.
"The sad thing is that you can't believe every quote you read on the internet" - Abraham Lincoln.
ADV TPW
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Rainbow Beard
Many of you have probably heard about Black Beard; the most fearsome pirate who ever sailed the seven seas. However, Black Beard still had to take orders from the king. Not the king of England, but the Pirate King - Rainbow Beard!
If you search the interwebs, you won't find any accurate information about Rainbow Beard.
'But why is this?' You ask.
You see, it all has to do with the Curse of Rainbow Beard. Back in the day, Rainbow Bead spent a lot of his time thinking about the future, and how he wanted to be known.
After much thinking, and eating, Rainbow Beard decided he wouldn't want to be known, because of all the bad things his pirate minions did. So he devised a plan - create a curse!
The curse is fairly simple. Anyone who tells another person about Rainbow Beard will immediately get boils, and die two days later.
'But why would you tell us about Rainbow Beard if it means you will die?' You inquire.
Silly reader. First, I used my time machine to go into the future to grab a few futuristic things, like a little device used on someone to make them forget everything about something. After that, I traveled back in time to when Rainbow Beard ruled the seas.
I hung around Rainbow Beard for quite a while, and we soon became the best of friends. It was around this time that he thought of the idea of creating the curse. Yes, I was partially the reason for him creating it, since I told him about the invention of the internet.
Since I helped him come up with the idea for the curse - non-technically. (You see, I didn't help him with the curse. The only thing I did was mention the internet. I am not to blame if anyone dies because of his curse).
Rainbow Beard liked me, and so we came up with a pact that said I would not face the consequences of the curse he would create. I, of course, agreed. Thus, I am able to tell you about Rainbow Beard without facing great pain or death.
I suppose that is enough information about Rainbow Beard. I mean, I don't want his secrets to become publicized or anything. That would be no fun. This way, only Rainbow Beard and I know about him.
Remember, don't tell anyone else about Rainbow Beard, otherwise you may be cursed. However, you can tell someone to check the newest Duckman Post!
TPW
If you search the interwebs, you won't find any accurate information about Rainbow Beard.
'But why is this?' You ask.
You see, it all has to do with the Curse of Rainbow Beard. Back in the day, Rainbow Bead spent a lot of his time thinking about the future, and how he wanted to be known.
After much thinking, and eating, Rainbow Beard decided he wouldn't want to be known, because of all the bad things his pirate minions did. So he devised a plan - create a curse!
The curse is fairly simple. Anyone who tells another person about Rainbow Beard will immediately get boils, and die two days later.
'But why would you tell us about Rainbow Beard if it means you will die?' You inquire.
Silly reader. First, I used my time machine to go into the future to grab a few futuristic things, like a little device used on someone to make them forget everything about something. After that, I traveled back in time to when Rainbow Beard ruled the seas.
I hung around Rainbow Beard for quite a while, and we soon became the best of friends. It was around this time that he thought of the idea of creating the curse. Yes, I was partially the reason for him creating it, since I told him about the invention of the internet.
Since I helped him come up with the idea for the curse - non-technically. (You see, I didn't help him with the curse. The only thing I did was mention the internet. I am not to blame if anyone dies because of his curse).
Rainbow Beard liked me, and so we came up with a pact that said I would not face the consequences of the curse he would create. I, of course, agreed. Thus, I am able to tell you about Rainbow Beard without facing great pain or death.
I suppose that is enough information about Rainbow Beard. I mean, I don't want his secrets to become publicized or anything. That would be no fun. This way, only Rainbow Beard and I know about him.
Remember, don't tell anyone else about Rainbow Beard, otherwise you may be cursed. However, you can tell someone to check the newest Duckman Post!
TPW
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