Narrating A Math Problem

First off, many of you are probably asking, 'How does one go about narrating a math problem?' or 'What exactly does narrating a math problem mean?'

Well, let's look at the question and split it up into multiple parts.

"Nar" - at first glance this may seem unfamiliar or uncommon; or both at the same time. However, "Nar" has a very specific, and easy to understand, meaning. Nar literally translates to 'the first three letters of the word Narrating'. Simple enough.

"Rating A M" - obviously this word has incorrect grammar. The 'A' should really be 'An' but none of that really matters*. If one were to rate a m, it would probably be rated somewhere between the Square Root of Omega, and The Hyperbolic Time Chamber of Mars.

"Ath Problem" - Over the years, some not-so-specific Scholars agreed the the hardest problems ever to solve in the universe is an Ath problem. An ath problem is a problem that consists of a riddle, wrapped in a mystery hidden somewhere deep in the woods.

So, putting the definitions of all three (3) words together, 'Narrating A Math Problem' literally translates to....

"The first three letters of the word Narrating the Square Root of Omega, and The Hyperbolic Time Chamber of Mars of a riddle, wrapped in a mystery hidden somewhere deep in the woods.

But all of that is besides the point.

'How does one go about narrating a math problem?'

Let me answer that question with an example, dear child.

Young Billy was exiting the old Lettuce Factory, when he heard a strange sound coming from the drain nearby. He slowly walked over to it. He looked down and saw the letter X. He thought it was mildly strange, but decided to pick it up anyways. Just then, two hooded strangers ran out of the Lettuce Factory.

'You fool! How could you have lost an X? The Boss specifically demanded we brought him X^2. Somehow you lost one?' Hooded Stranger 1 said.

'There's nothing we can do now. Might as well start looking for it instead of blibber-blabbering.' Hooded Stranger 2 replied.

Billy was about to give the two (2) hooded strangers the X he found, when he remembered the last words of his wizard neighbor.

'Never give away an X when you can't take an X away from the other side'


Billy realized that he couldn't give his X away, since the two (2) hooded strangers wouldn't do the same. He he quickly took off in the opposite direction. The two (2) hooded strangers saw him sprinting away and followed. After about 2 miles of running at about a 8mph, Billy arrived at a small shack.

'Tio Juan! Hay dos personas destrás de me! Yo necesito Los Hermanos Justicios!' Billy exclaimed.

'Calmate. I'll get the Justice Brothers in just a second. While you wait, drink some of the delicious kool-aid I made this morning.' Tio Juan responded. Just then the two (2) hooded strangers broke into the shack.

'Give us the X boy!' Hooded Stranger 1 yelled.

'Not today, Zurg!'  Billy yelled back. And with that, they were off.

'Why you no give me my X?!?' Hooded Stranger 2 shouted as they were running.

Billy ran to the train station and got on Train A, which was headed east at 30 mph. 13 minutes later, the two (2) hooded strangers got on Train B headed east right behind Train A, going 40 mph. Billy arrived at the city around 3:00 pm. A short while later, both hooded strangers also arrived, and captured Billy. They then brought him to The Boss.

The walked into the old abandoned warehouse and knocked on the door.

'Come in my minions' The Boss demanded. The two (2) hooded strangers stepped through the doorway, and into the presence of The Boss.

'Hand over the X^2' said The Boss. Hooded Stranger 1 opened the sack containing Billy and ripped the X out of his hands.

'Here you are Mr. El Oso' Hooded Stranger 1 replied. The Boss turned around and opened a black box. He reached in, and pulled out X^3 + ___ +X and laid it on the table.

'Now, you see boys, I needed that X^2 to finish the equation' The Boss told them. Carefully, The Boss placed the X^2 into the empty slot.

'Next, we put the equation into the Subatomic Derivative Generator and press start.' Lights started flashing everywhere and the whole building began to shake.

'WHAT THE?!?!?' Billy shrieked in a high, and unmanly tone. Just then, Los Hermanos Justicios broke through the window and punched Hooded Strangers 1 and 2 out cold.

'Just like Grandpa taught me' Hermano Justicio Jorge said. 'Now, Mr. El Oso, hand over the equation.'

'I'm afraid it's too late son. The deed is done.' Mr. El Oso replied. He then pulled out the equation from the Subatomic Derivative Generator. 'Remember, the fate of the world depends on this answer!'

'Wait, wait, wait. How will this decide the fate of the world?' Billy inquired.

'Psshh.Too complicated for your puny little mind to handle' everyone else replied in unison.

Mr. El Oso grabbed the equation firmly with both hands. Turned around. Held up the equation high in the air for all to see.  'Yes! My plan has worked! I have solved the equation once and for all!' Mr. El Oso exclaimed.

The answer: 2X^2 + 2.

The world fate would forever be ever-so-slightly changed.

*But what does matter is that you have to BELIEVE in yourself.

TPW

Duck Pond

Over the past few (insert time period here), many companies have been releasing these Television Associated Books Looking Encima de Turtles (T.A.B.L.E.Ts). At the Duckman Headquarters we came up with a great idea; create our own T.A.B.L.E.T.

We call it...

The Duck Pond!

Here are the specs:

-The screen in a map of the Mediterranean Sea
-It has 1 to 2 billion games
-Weighs only 2 unites for easy storage
-Looks good next to lamps
-14 easy payment of $72.63
-3 easy functions
     - touch and it lights up
     - learn countries of the Mediterranean
     - when screen turns on, you can touch it
- 115 nanometer speakers
- Not available in Puerto Rico or Kansas
-Contains 37 jelly beans
- Enjoys moonlit walks in the park
-Needs weekly therapy sessions
-Need 16 AAAA batteries (which need to be replaced every 4 hours)
-Back button avoids your finger
-Comes with wheels
-No strings attached
- Doesn't look like summer squash
-Plays the opening notes of 'Never gonna give you up' by Rick Astley at random intervals
- Eats you out of house and home
- You will be the life of the party
- Interrupts personal space
-Ruins romantic moments
-Randomly shoots silly string in all directions
- Moos periodically
- Makes a great white elephant gift
- Does your homework if you want to do well in school
-Hides your car keys. Effectively.

And Many More!

TPW, ADV, MJW

Proof Canada is a Nation of Sissies

This is the Canadian General Governor's coat of arms.  Although these are obviously male unicorns,  having a unicorn in your coat of arms either means you were high while making it or you never grew out of the "My Little Pony" stage of life.  Do the Canadians really think that adding compass tattoos to the unicorn's biceps makes them tougher?  The only logical conclusion is that Canadians are also dolts.  Proof:  Split hooves.

ADV